Suicide Attempt: Those Who Knew Never Asked…
…why I attempted suicide in September 1982. I later found out that it was a big secret from family (or close friends) who seemed like they’d be obvious to inform (as in why I’d suddenly dropped off...
View ArticleWhy Blog?
For me, it’s a combination of catharsis and purging my mind of things I haven’t talked about in a way that makes me feel heard. Many people know about the things I write about, but they don’t really...
View ArticleSo How Do I Navigate THIS Mess?
OR, the food minefield… Food is already an issue with the return of worsening under-eating. I’m really trying to figure out how to increase calories with stuff that won’t do me in because of other...
View ArticleViper’s Song
Watching the numbers go downKnowing there’s much to do. Feasting on images of food Without fear or shame;Cookbooks are fifty shades. Feeling for bones, Knowing they’re there.Ones within graspEase...
View ArticleThe Viper and Umaibo
What is ‘umaibo’ you ask… think of a very large puffed Cheeto in various flavors (with very few being cheese), with approximately 43 calories each, about 4 1/2 inches long and an inch in diameter....
View ArticleThe Viper Is Starting To Tear Me Up & Taking The Plunge Towards Something
Every time, it baffles me that not eating enough could actually cause physical deterioration when what I see in the mirror is not something associated with nutritional erosion. This isn’t my first,...
View ArticleThe Pit Viper of Eating Disorders
It’s really bad this morning. I know it sounds nuts to those who don’t have a history with eating disorders, but there are two ‘heads’ that are constantly in some sort of conflict. For years, since...
View ArticleKidney Function and Eating Disorders- Down the Tubes, So To Speak
I found out yesterday that my kidney function has decreased considerably since the last lab work I had done. I’d hoped that the decrease in protein would be helpful, but hadn’t thought about the...
View ArticleThe Mind on Fumes…
This is the last paragraph of my previous post: “Eating disorders are conniving and cruel. One ‘day’, things can seem OK, and the next there’s a drowning force of chaos and immobilization. Something...
View ArticleDejá Vu All Over Again … Is It Ever Gone ?
I never imagined being in the middle of this again. I’m “old” compared to when it all started eons ago. In mid-May, I’d been at a higher weight than my normal high weight because of trying to get meal...
View ArticleGratitude- The Single Most Important Thing In My Eating Disorder Recovery
Sounds nuts, eh? When I returned from a treatment facility in California where I’d been sent for eating disorder recovery, I was still a mess. The facility was really a drug and alcohol rehab place...
View ArticleMajor Trigger-Useless Pig In A T-Shirt
Where to start. Lifetime of eating disorders, multiple treatments- inpatient and outpatient (where nobody ‘got it’ about what it’s really about), multiple relapses, obesity, noticeable weight loss, no...
View ArticleI’ve Got A Weird Memory
It used to freak dad out when I could draw the floor plans of the apartments we lived in when I was two to five years old (2 different places). I was well into my 40s at that point. I remember trivial...
View ArticleIt’s Going Fast
There are times now when I feel ‘the pull’ from inside to really get rid of the weight that I gained after 20 months of daily chemo for leukemia, beginning in 2010. I’d been at a ‘livable’ weight...
View ArticleThe Cost of Healthy Eating
Over the past several months I’ve become much more interested in the quality of what I eat, as well as the cost of eating well. I was diagnosed with leukemia in late March 2010, and went through 19...
View ArticleWhy Blog?
For me, it’s a combination of catharsis and purging my mind of things I haven’t talked about in a way that makes me feel heard. Many people know about the things I write about, but they don’t really...
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Suicide Secrets- Time to Spill It… Secrecy Just Makes It Worse
With all of the suicides of notable people in the last couple of weeks, it has stirred up my own battles with depression and suicidal thoughts. Not to worry- nothing ‘serious’ has gone on for years....
View ArticleSuicide… It’s Not About Dying !
Tonight we learned that Robin Williams is dead, and the consistent information is that he took his own life. Social media being what it is, there are many comments. Most are of shock and...
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Dieting With An Eating Disorder History
When I started Nutrisystem 80 days ago, I had some nagging concerns about how to lose the weight I’d gained on chemo without going nuts and ending up in a bonafide eating disorder relapse. I’m not...
View ArticleLimitations Don’t Define Who I Am
My disabilities don’t make me who I am. I don’t want someone else’s life, because that wouldn’t be me either. I wish many things weren’t the way they are, but I don’t want to be someone else. I’m...
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